


Erin runs into Holtz at an AA meeting

by UselessLesbianLaughter



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Drama, F/F, Holtzbert - Freeform, I have't slept, Me tring really hard to write okay, Tragedy, With happy ending because I'm a sucker, sad shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 15:13:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7897588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UselessLesbianLaughter/pseuds/UselessLesbianLaughter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'd talk to you at an AA meeting."</p>
<p>Little did poor Erin Gilbert know Holtz actually went to AA meetings and even less that the meeting would be held at the same building as her own small support group for suicide attempt survivors.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Erin runs into Holtz at an AA meeting

**Author's Note:**

> So I have not slept in... how long? Anyways I have developed an obsession with this ship. I don't need sleep, I need Holtzbert. Enjoy!

 "I'd talk to you at an AA meeting."  
  
  
 Erin stumbled through the doorway, looking down and muttering "Sorry, uhm... I think they moved the..." She stopped mid-sentence and stared at a familiar blonde figure, sitting right across the room from her.  
 "Uh... Holtz?" Erin said, staring at the woman in question. "What are you..." She was interrupted.  
 "Miss, this is a support group and we'd appreciate if you could leave us."  
 Her face turned red "Sorry, I was just looking for my uh... group." She turned around a took a step away before stating "We'll talk about this later, Holtz."  
 Making her way upstairs and finding the correct room, she sat down and apologized for being late, still shook by seeing her coworker in the place she'd least expect to see her.  
 "Hi, I'm Erin Gilbert and I've survived a suicide attempt."  
  
  
\-------------  
  
 Both Erin and Holtz manage to get through their meetings, nervous and distracted. The blonde manages to leave earlier, feeling guilt as an invisible weight on her shoulders.  
 She knows she can't avoid Erin. She doesn't want to. She does, however want to avoid the upcoming convesation. Unfortunately for her she cannot. She turns around in her tracks and makes her way back, waiting on a bench in front of the building.  
   
 Around half an hour later Jillian feels familiar hand on her shoulder, turning around and seeing Gilbert, lips curled slightly upward but not forming a smile, the line of concern between her eyebrows Holtzmann found beautiful quite clear.  
 "Jillian." She says before she sighs and sits down next to the engineer, avoiding her blue eyes, staring right ahead.  
 They sit in silence for a moment.  
 Then Holtzmann speaks.  
 "Didn't think I'd find you ~here~."  
 "I didn't think you actually went to AA meetings." Erin stated, finally turning and looking at the woman next to her.  
 "So... you um... you had a drinking problem. You never told me about it." Erin said, sounding almost  hurt.  
 "Didn't think it was necessary. I... I stopped when I met you." She says, letting out a long breath, hoping she hadn't said too much. Erin stared at the blonde in fascination.  
 Instead of drawing attention too Holtz stopping after meeting her, potentially ~because~  of meeting her, she asked "When did it start?"  
 "A while ago. I developed the habit of drinking away my feelings even before meeting Abby. I knew how to keep it a secret, even Abby didn't figure it out that when I said I was going to have a fun weekend... I meant getting drunk and passing out in my apartment." She sighs, oddly glad to get it off her chest.  
 Erin looks at the blonde, her eyes reflecting pain but also admiration and curiousity.  
 "Why did you do that?" Jillian looked at Erin. Nothing to lose, she guessed.  
 "I was... in fostercare. For a while. Finally someone took me in, which came as a surprise to everyone. Who'd want crazy Jill, right?" She repeated the childhood nickname. "It was going fine. Then they found out I was gay. And then I was in the streets." Erin grabbed Holtzmann, pulling her into a tight hug. "Continue." She said, not letting go. The blonde hushed her voice slightly and complied. "So I got into drinking. At some point I got this big government job, made enough money to get my own place. Got fired for uh... classified reasons. A while I spent alone, barely creating anything new, barely ever blowing things up, just drinking, drinking, drinking. After I met Abby it got a little better... but I never really got the strenght to stop until you walked into that lab. And then we were the GhostBusters and I had people that cared and I felt... guilty. So I quit. And yeah, I started going here and it's a pretty stupid story." She conclued, Erin tightening her grip and whispering in her ear "You'll never be alone again, Holtz. I promise." She pulled away.  
 "Your turn, Gilbert. Why on BeJesus are you here?" It was Erin's turn to stare at the ground.  
 "I... there's this... support group." Holtz gave her a questioning look. She nodded and continued "For people... who have tried to commit suicide."

The last words came out in a rush.  
 Jillian's eyebrows moved slightly upwards but her expression remained calm, opposite to the screaming and abandoning her that Erin, out of experience was expecting. Instead the blonde brough the back of her hand to Erin's cheek and slowly stroked it, looking at Erin, not angry, not freaking out, just concerned. Sad.  
 "Why?" The word was barely a whisper, more of a breath leaving Holtzmann's lips which were slightly trembling. The realization descended upon her slowly. Would it have gone even slightly differently Erin... ~her~ Erin might've never walked into that lab. At this point Jillian knew she had fallen in love with the other woman. Not only was it the only logical explanation but this was also the first thing she couldn't quite logically explain.  
 Her eyes remained questioning.  
 Erin's lips parted, the words not quite ready to leave them, all that came was hot air. She looked down. Then she spoke.  
 "I didn't have anything to live for anymore. I was at that point in my life where no one would miss me. So, adding depression which resulted from my PTSD mostly but also from feeling... empty. It wasn't something I had planned. Sure, thought about but not planned. And there I was, unable to sleep, with a bottle of sleeping pills and enough alcohol to end me. I knew I probably wouldn't make it. That's why I took all the pills and downed the beer. I probably wouldn't've made it if my neighbour hadn't ran out of salt." She concluded with a bitter chuckle.  
 Her eyes found Jillian's.  
 "Looking back, I'm glad she did. Then I wouldn't've gotten the chance to meet you." She shook her head, looking back at the ground.  
 "Don't tell Abby. Or Patty. It's not something I want them to know. And they'd just get worried for no reason." She added with a sigh.  
 "Won't tell them as long as they really have no reason to be worried."  
 Erin breathed a small laugh.  
 "They really don't. I could never hurt you." Erin said, looking back at the engineer who's eyes had never left the woman sitting next to her. "I'm in love with you, Jillian." The confession was sudden, unexpected and definitely not planned.  
 Holtz, fighting tears, pressed a kiss to Erin's lips.  
 "Never even think about leaving me alone here, Dr. Gilbert." Erin smiled.  
 "Promise. Though you'd probably somehow bring me back to life. Or just keep me around as a ghost." Holtz's small smile widened slightly.  
 "If you're a ghost I can't do this." She said, closing the space between them once again, pulling Erin into a second kiss, this one far more passionate. And at that moment Erin wondered if she could perhaps archieve immortality and live in that moment for a small infinity.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Leave kudos, comments and prompts and you'll make my day. Feel free to over-analyse, I will love you for that.


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